The journalists I hate

Ron Zappolo, we know that's not your real name, Mr. Edmund Fuerhoffermeier. You pick your teeth in public and it is gross. You are just an uneducated creep with a fucked moustache. You allegedly enjoy getting butt fucked with a corn cob. Allegedly.



Adele Arakawa, some people say Asian, some say Native American, I say bitch. Total bitch. Yea, that was me you glared at from your Porche Cayenne as we passed in the parking garage. You totally suck at everything and your skin is like my 50 year-old cowhide jacket. Smell the glove.



John Ferrugia, I hate you because you're a Ron Zappolo look-alike. Fucking poseur. If I see you picking your teeth I may pee on you.



Lisa Holbrook, you totally have a penis. Female sports anchors are akin to male cheerleaders. You are probably good at what you do but not really because you are all penis, all the time.



And finally, Al Roker. You are a gigantic bag of shit. Your shit got so big you had it sucked out of your body and now you're ready to have all this new shit you accumulated sucked out of you again. It is disturbing to imagine you on the toilet with a bucket of chicken and tacos at 3:00 am -- dripping sweat as you feast upon your destruction. And you are fucking crazy.




Fuck you guys.